Those damn drunken bitches.

When going out, nothing bugs me more than having to take care of somebody. You know, the super drunk one thats falling over everywhere, losing her shit, and being a general embarrassment. I have had so many bad experiences with girls not able to take their alcohol (or other things...); girls falling down flights of stairs, girls falling over velvet ropes, girls losing their clutches, phones and keys, girls having full out tits hanging out, flashing their crotch, grinding up on anything, crying in the fetal position, spilling drinks everywhere, girls sitting in flower pots trying to smoke cigarette butts, girls puking up everything everywhere, girls crying hysterically and of course, my favorite, girls blacking out.

Being the amazing GBF that I am, and also being able to handle my alcohol, I always end up being the one having to take care of the hot messes. How many times have I had to basically carry a girls out of a club and into a backseat for them to pass out, or had to force feed them water and food to soak up the alcohol in their tiny booze filled stomachs. And obviously, the situation is always worse when the girl is wearing heels (which they usually are... it just makes the drunk bitches so much more fabulous).

My girls know that I take care of them, but they also know that I don't enjoy doing so. I would much rather be trying to score some free drinks somewhere or finding some eye candy. Once their hangover has come and gone, I make it a point to tell them how drunk and stupid they were. Then I tell them all the embarrassing things they did. And then I tell them that this is the only time this year that I take care of them like that, everybody gets one free pass for total drunkenness a year and if they ever go over that limit, I will simply NOT go out with them anymore.

Seriously, being drunk is fun, being high is fun, but making a fool out of yourself usually reflects on me and I am not down with that. I am not there to babysit.

So next time you are on the highway to trashed, stop and think about your GBF!

The GBF.